“studies indicated that while men tended to have less intense and less enduring levels of negative psychological outcomes than women, they are more likely to engage in compensatory behaviours, such as increased alcohol consumption. Qualitative studies indicated that men often feel that their role is primarily as a ‘supporter’ to their female partner, and that this precludes recognition of their own loss. These studies also reported that men may feel overlooked and marginalised in comparison to their female partners, whose pain is typically more visible.”
After reading through the above mentioned research the highlighted section sat on my mind for a good few hours after and I have to say I Wholeheartedly disagree with it.
For the last several years after suffering my own loss and helping those in a similar situation I have to say from my experience Men suffer the exact same intensity of psychological outcomes as women do .
The fact that in the Uk the biggest killer of males below 45 is suicide which results from futher mental health issues , you also do have to take into account that sadly men are less likely to seek help then their female counterparts , this is a society issue in that men have been for many years been told they have to stay strong that its the manly thing to do. This is dangerous in many instances , The result is for the best part a whole gender afraid to express their feelings and more so after the loss of a child can be a dangerous thing to do.
A study of 303 males from a closed support group (Daddys With Angels ) found that 80% of men surveyed said their mental health declined after their loss. Now this is a very small snapshot of how much men’s mental health declines following the loss of their child.
The uncomfortable truth is that men are still pushed to the side in society following the loss. I still hear day in day out how much Angel dads are being failed by those who are there to help them, Many existing charities are now making much noise about supporting dads and at the same time marginalizing them.
In the age of social media it’s become more about likes and making as much noise as possible to say “Look at what we are doing “ when in reality if you dig deeper you realise just how much of a poor effort has been made. The same can be said with some corners of the child loss community , I really hate how Money talks and factors heavily with how people are treated , Someone doesn’t fit a certain box they are often or not sent away with no sign posting to those who could better help them , or you see merchandise being sold at silly prices and profiteering of peoples losses is a absolutely terrible thing to do .
There seems to be a lot of egos and ego trips going on in the community and it really needs to stop . All that matters is that anyone who has lost a child gets help , regardless of who they are , where they are from or what ethnicity they are .
This blog may prove unpopular but then again sometimes the truth hurts